It's the last day of the year. 31st December 2014, 2.01am, just staring blankly into my laptop screen. It's almost a year since I took my time to sit and wrote down my New Year's resolutions. It's that time of the year where I'm suppose to figure out my New Year's resolution again, but, I realised, there's no point in even thinking about it when i barely completed any of my previous resolutions. I had a whole lot of downs this year, to think of it, but there were few moments where i wished to keep it forever. School really isn't for me. Neither are friends. I don't do good at both areas. I can't get myself to socialise. And when I start doing so, my anxiety just takes over my mind and destroy what I already had. I don't do good at anything to be exact. I've been living for 17 years and I still cannot figure out my life. I have chosen my career path, but it doesn't exactly seem like what I am passionate in. What am I exactly passionate about? I just can't get myself to figure out. I have interests, but not exactly passion in something. I really envy people who are really passionate in what they do, how they would go beyond boundaries to achieve something that someone once told them was impossible. I wished i could be that passionate. There's something that's bothering me so much, something holding me back, I can't figure out what it is. I can't get myself to move forward. I wished i could just let go of the heavy burden of the past off my shoulder but it seems like the wounds are too deep to heal. They say use what you have experienced as an obstacle in the learning journey in you life, but i feel as though it's just bringing me down but at the same time i can't let go of it. As days pass, i get mentally drained. I hate how I know so much, too much, it's killing me. People always think I'm lazy when I say I'm unable to do something, but really, i can't do it. Nobody thinks about the mental factor, it's always physical isn't it? Unless you're in my shoes, you'll never understand what I feel, but of course, I'm not able to express my true feelings, right? All i'm capable of is to smile off my exact emotions because why? If I were to show my real emotions, I would be deemed as unreasonable right? I wouldn't want to wish what I'm facing right now upon my worst enemy. I'm sorry if i ever did anyone wrong, i don't mean it, at all. Everyone deserves to be happy, just not me, I guess.